Getting what you deserve

Money has always been relatively easy for me to come across. I think being half mathematician makes it easier for some to obtain and manage money. In any case, ever since I could make it I have never wanted for money. This is a fairly messed up fact in the grand scheme of things.

Lets talk about what people really deserve. I do not think there is such a thing as deserve. There cannot be for if this were so, humans deserve a lot of pain. This seems extreme.

Millions of children die of diseases that even given my quite opulent life by global standards I would never want to deal with. How could they deserve what they got and I deserve what I get? It isn't like I save children from burning orphanages while caring for the sick in my spare time.

Money, of course, isn't everything but health and money together are a lot. I have both and millions (or billions) of people will never have a chance at either.

So, knowing all of this, how can you be OK with money? Why not run around and devote your life to charity (this also doesn't feel right to me)? Then you surely must deserve what you get.

Except when I volunteered a lot I didn't really feel any better about myself. Every once in a while you would connect with someone and then you would feel great for a little bit, but it never lasted. The organizations weren't very professional and I always felt that a bit more could have been done if someone really took getting the job done a little more seriously. Perhaps my standards of what is professional are a little off.

So in any case, it seems impossible to make a logical argument for deserve. A very large part of what happens to someone really is just dice. Luck, destiny, call it what you will shit happens and sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.

Now there is a really high chance that some of the people that I am arrogantly feeling sorry for for not having lots of scrilla really are a lot happier than I am. Being happier than me really isn't that hard. But I don't feel unreasonably unhappy; I feel like I am happy enough to see opportunities when they lie but I have enough reserve that when something takes real discipline I can stick with it.

So is happiness the point of human existence? If deserve doesn't exist, then what does happiness mean? It would have to mean that you are just OK with your circumstances. You don't really owe anyone anything and they don't owe you.