Justin and Mattias went out and I have the apartment to myself tonight. I started into house of leaves and already managed to get myself into an introspective mode. I do not intend to shy away from discussing rather intense things here, so if that makes you uncomfortable you should wait till I am in a better mood.
I worked all day today (Saturday). Literally every feature of this story is dependent upon my work this weekend so I have to make it good. Tomorrow I intend to finalize what I have been working on and check in once the unit tests pass. I don't know if the application will run but as long as the tests pass I know that there will not be a ton of work to make it run. This feature is very smart but very abstract; I wish I had more time to really think about it.
You may have noticed that I tend to speak in declaratives. In person that isn't always the case, but on a blog I do it consistently. This is because the blog, at this point, is just an outlet. Later I will try to give the reader more things to chew on and more interaction with the prose.
It seems that I manage to put myself into incredibly hard places. I am here on a mission to teach very unreceptive people a more effective way to develop and think. I need them to interact more and give back a little. Plus I have a lot of issues on my mind; development like this is very stressful but it truly makes you good. I would like to spend more time on the people and less time on the project, but I feel like I don't have the chance.
I am in a weird city full of cultures that I don't understand. I can't easily get out and into peaceful environments and I have never been a city person. I really miss my beautiful house and the solitude of where I live. I miss the community of people I have built around dancing and the various other sports that I do. I recognize however that those things of comfort can always be taken away from you. This is a good experience as it is teaching me a level of strength and belief in myself.
I am very very alone here, sent to do a very difficult job. I am living up to the moniker of the code monk 100%, although I never thought it would come like this. I feel a little sad discussing this honestly, but also I feel a deep sense of pride. I don't want to be this alone, but I also know that many people in my position could not do this and the reasons have nothing to do with technical reasons.
It is hard to take these people seriously. None of them seem to really believe in their work and what they do. In fact, I would say that I am extremely un-impressed by a lot of this.
The buildings are built like shit. They are ugly and full of bad engineering decisions. In Anark's office, if the AC goes off you know it in about 5 minutes. That means that the space is so poorly insulated from the most noticeable natural effect in Singapore, the sun.
The people go places to work out, but very few do it enough to make a serious impact on their lives. They go to work, but the don't do a very good job mainly because they don't put enough effort into learning about their jobs and themselves to really understand what a good job is. You can talk all you want but they will give you absolutely no sign whether they understand or not.
I was recently told that software developing here is considered a very second rate job. It is considered a hobby; owning a store is more respectable, a real job. There is little value to artistry; there is no bohemian community.
When we go out to eat I notice that the developers reflect this a great deal. We sit at tables we are the only people who are not dressed very businesslike. I feel like we are the outcasts or the underdogs somehow; I wonder if the developers feel this way. I hope they do because that is a position I am an expert in and I know very well how to capitalize on it. But I may never figure it out.
There doesn't appear to be a drive behind anything other than to either show off or to make a lot of money. Everyone is concerned about face; you should never publicly admonish people. I just am having a hard time finding anything I can believe in; I feel that I am awash in superficial lifestyls in a culture that has taken superficial far beyond mine (although you have to remember I am from the midwest; I would bet that LA would feel identical).
None of the Americans I spoke to really want to be here. We all want to leave. At least I can.
As time goes on I need to really work to understand this city better. I was thinking of taking some time and checking out the different ethnic neighborhoods to kind of see what it is all about. If there is any soul to this city I should find it in china town and other locations where people value culture, tradition, and things of beauty that are not produced in factories.
I want to really inspire this team. I want to explain to them everything that I see when I see a codebase; when I think about this amazing profession of developing software. Indeed, it has taught me the life lessons that most people learn from sports (or never learn). I see so much beauty, wonder, power and elegance in code and coding systems. If I could impart at least a little bit of this to the devs perhaps they could be proud of what they do and who they are and perhaps then win or lose I could be OK with the outcome.
Chris
No comments:
Post a Comment